that does hurt, i hope you are able to find some community. i do hope you are reflecting on this though, it’s not fun having other people (including other trans people) obsessing over you. if someone in any friend group becomes the focus of someone else’s fixation, the group is going to close ranks around that person.

the reason i say to reflect on this is that if your takeaway is that they’re ‘haters’ you’ll carry that and associated behaviors into the next community and it’ll happen again.

One certain member really doesn’t seem interested in giving me an another chance, to the point that they’ve told me they don’t even want to see me again and called me a “miserable little creep”. At this point they’re at least specifically a hater. Its surreal to think they started off hitting on me when they first met me.

There is a few that are mostly just extremely annoyed with me or dislike me and a few that are still friendly that I can talk to. But they hang around the specific unforgiving individual and it makes it extremely difficult. And the woman herself started off pretty forgiving (more so than the main hater) but as I tried hanging with her thinking she was cool with me still I realized she was using the main angry hater as a sort of proxy shield because she finally told me to just go away.

if the takeaway is ‘i did something that made someone uncomfortable and i need to understand what that was and not repeat it,’ that’s a thing you can actually work on. plus it leaves the door open to rebuilding somewhere, maybe even with some of these people eventually.

I’m not entirely sure how I stop myself from obsessing that’s just kind of how my brain works. There drugs for this maybe?

Its also how I engage with basically everything in life. I don’t do “balance” lol. I go all in.

Which is what I intend to do with this transition.

i know you don’t mean anything by it, but in my experience ‘transwoman’ with no space is the preferred spelling of people who tend to argue that trans women aren’t women. not passing judgement, just fyi. i prefer to use trans as an adjective, like ‘tall’ or ‘loud’ or ‘annoying’.

Oh, no genuinely did not know that. Thank you for the heads up I’ll avoid doing so in the future. I’ve always kind of swapped back and forth I think. Kind of makes sense. Its sort of like Autistic person vs person with Autism. (or Autist… lol)

good luck, i started via informed consent at pp and it was not difficult at all, but definitely recommend getting your primary care doctor in the loop for running ultrasensitive estradiol bloodwork routinely

Thank you <3

(which points strongly toward limerance behaviors)

Yeah I explicitly know I experience limerance for months. I am aware of this. I’m pretty good at metathinking about myself, to the point of dissociation.

you said for a while you were in survival mode, had suicidal ideation, can’t seem to find any joy outside of your fixations. Huge, huge red flags especially when combined. I’m no professional but you’re in an uncontained state. Which is plenty enough for me to absolutely call out worrying behavior. Any friend of mine had this combo going on and I’d be forming an intervention. But, to top all of this off, you’re looking to add very powerful hormones into the mix. Again, not a mental health professional but this is all really troubling.

They are really troubling. I know perfectly well. But I’m not in survival anymore or suicidal. I enjoy things now. Started too basically immediately after I accepted that I was trans. Maybe the first hours I was really sad about this revelation but like it only took maybe a few hours before suddenly I felt calm about life and what I needed to do. I was able to relax the rest of my Sunday. I did not even feel the needy obsessive desire to go out and seek social validation. I just chilled in pleasant solitude and played a video game. I have not been able to enjoy solitude in MONTHS. Things feel OK.

Absolutely treatable but only if you see these things as problems.

Treatable with what? I’m about to try a treatment. Its called HRT. I’ve considered others and they absolutely do not interest me. Anti-depressants? Nah. CBT? Fuck nooo.

Maybe I’ll try anti-depressants later if HRT really turns out to not work or I end up depressed for reasons other than being trans. But it makes little sense to not just… go for the obvious solution.

I appreciate you telling me! <3

A lot of negativity here. I probably should have posted in a trans community. I did not expect this TBH of Lemmy. :/

This is going to end so poorly for you.

Why? How?

Slow the fuck down.

Convince me. I’m legitimately all ears. I mean, I made this post to hear about tips for an presumed transition (perhaps this is the wrong place, I figured the size of the community and its place in Lemmy there would be way more positive trans voice here) not to debate about whether I should jump onto HRT ASAP (this friday lmao). But I love a good debate, its weakness of mine, hit me with your best.

Just getting pissy and telling me to slow down without justifying why isn’t very convincing.

Suicidal people are no more prone to make jokes about suicide than anyone else. This is not a statistic.

This is just directly wrong. That said I never said it was a “statistic”. Joking about suicide is a well known coping mechanism for suicidal people. A rudimentary google search would allow you to figure this out.

And “people like them” don’t need to get it. There’s nothing to get.

Fine then fucking don’t.

Also, in another comment you claimed autism.

Don’t put any of this shit on any -tism. You have issues you need to deal with. These people are just being honest with you.

I never thought they were lying I just thought the way they’ve conveyed their idea to be extremely lazy and insulting.

What “issues” do I need to “deal with” and how exactly?

This is my problem: I’m being specific: I have autism. On the other hand, you and the other poster are all just saying “you are crazy” basically without trying to explain what you actually mean. What mental health problems are the specific problems that you are so concerned with?

And regardless, is your advice intended to make me happier? Or you?

Having the face and body is more important to me than the clothes and accessories, at least for the moment. I want to be able to wear men’s clothing but still be obviously a woman in appearance.

But yes I will try out women’s clothes now though and I’m kind of excited (if nervous) about trying it all. I’ve only done drag once. I did like it.

i didn’t have a huge crashout but hanging out with other trans women made it feel a lot more approachable. it finally got to me and i started hrt.

My old friend group hates me because of the fallout of my obsessing over a transwoman within the group. They are basically all LGBT. It kind of hurts that a huge swath of local LGBT people now basically hate me with basically no hope for them coming back around. That’s going to make things difficult.

What is funny though is I kind of care less now? Like, as a guy my thoughts have also been very socially tactical because it was mostly a hollow mask anyway. Sure it was partially made up of aspects of me, but the presentation was purely extrinsically motivated. But now its like… I’m just being me so fuck it you know? My north star is just being me. Let them be haters.

once you start and get used to hrt, i highly recommend getting on shots if you can tolerate it. multi-day cycles are way better than having swings during the day or based on your metabolism. injectable also doesn’t hit your liver and is pretty easy to stockpile.

I was thinking patches, I heard they’re just as good? I’m not afraid of needles, I get every vaccination basically. Though I don’t like the idea of administering such myself.

if you have any way to get laser or electrolysis, i found that made a huge difference in my mental health as well as how other people interpret my appearance and address me. you can find places to do it on the cheap, esthetician schools often let you get that work done for deep discounts. i started doing that as soon as i started hrt, the androgen suppression means you won’t get as much regrowth.

I intend to acquire HRT this Friday. I suppose I could look around for laser hair removal but I’m little worried about my budget. I’m not a rich transgirl. I’m not entirely broke either but man I know this shit is going to be expensive.

eating food is another big one, you will get fat redistribution on hrt but it requires that you have some fat to redistribute. i really had to work through a lot of restrictive behavior patterns that i’d accumulated over the years, but it’s been worth it to grow tits and ass.

Yeah that makes sense. Also exercise to my understanding can speed things up.

Detransition rates are very low. Even if they were 50/50 though, I’d place money that my real regret will remain simply that I did not do this sooner, not that I transitioned at all.

You’re exhibiting potentially self destructive behaviors, though. In ways that being autistic and hyper fixated do not usually account for.

I’m all ears on what those are.

Haha yeah. <3

Absurdism and Anti-theism are also part of my identity. I think they might conflict a little with spirituality.

Don’t …be impulsive.

I’m not.

Do …learn inner peace.

lol. Why don’t I strap on my peace helmet and squeeze down into a peace cannon and fire off into Peaceland where peace grows on peacies.

And also cannot stop to think critically how these obsessions could be harmful

Except I know plenty well the drawbacks of monotropic thinking.

pushes objectional feedback away.

I engage with it and counter argue. If there is merit to the feedback it should be able to stand up to a a little scrutiny in of itself.

I am convinced some people actually fight against inner peace.

This sounds like some spiritual shit. I’m not into that.

People are bizarre.

How is this even a meaningful statement? What are you even trying to convey here?

Dude has an obsessive personality, admits it, and is excited to jump to his next obsession.

I’m autistic. Comes with rumination, limerance, perseveration, etc. So uh… yeah. What’s your point? (not a dude though apparently)

There isn’t medication for Autism btw.

the fact you say shit like this your headspace is completely unhinged.

Suicidal people (or previously suicidal in my case) tend to make jokes about suicide. And it makes people like yourself who don’t get it really uncomfortable. Get over yourself.

You need serious help.

That’s right! And I’m going to get some.

but it’s clear to me that part of you is freaking the fuck out aobut something because you’ve been serially obsessing.

That is basically how I’ve always operated. I tend to have like, one main thing that I’m hyperfixating on. A sort of “main project”. I’m autistic and its essentially monotropism on a macroscale (but honestly on an hour to hour or day to day I tend to not like changing what I’m doing). Eventually when I resolve or complete a project it can sort of become part of the background of my life instead of my main focus though.

Do you have any sense of relief from your egg cracking? It sounds like there hasn’t been much time to reflect and contextualize, etc., and you’re just running to the next thing–transitioning ASAP.

Yes, suddenly I basically see a reason to continue being alive. I can enjoy things again. Like I said in another post, played a video game that very day for multiple hours that I had been essentially ignoring because I’d been in a state of “What’s the fucking point I’m not even capable of enjoying anything.” The reflecting is something that brought me too this point. I’m sure I’ll continue to reflect. TBH I probably do too much “reflecting” for my own good.

Anyway, I’d find some good therapists if you can, someone who is not an idiot and understands trans issues; check local LGBTQ groups and see if you can get some good referrals and maybe tie into a community of transpeople for support. It doesn’t necessarily have to be formal Support Groups, sometimes it’s just social shit like games night or open mic.

Will do. There is a LGBT center walking distance from me. In addition, a bar known for being an LGBT hub, though that’s where some drama for me lives atm.

lol ok. I mean I could have just killed myself instead I guess. That certainly would have been a quick fix.

I have a therapist. I’m autistic.

And your just an asshole. shrugs

Since it sounds like you’re really grasping for something real to do right now, I’d suggest picking up a hobby, ideally something working with your hands/body in the real world like drawing or painting or sewing or running or biking or something

I literally only started caring about doing anything when when I decided I was trans. Kind of hard to start a hobby when you literally don’t enjoy doing anything at all.

I started playing an RPG on my backlog for like hours on Sunday that I had left sitting on hiatus for a month because suddenly it was actually a nice enjoyable experience instead of a pointless slog.

I also wonder if you need to spend more time figuring yourself out. Go to the mall and try on some clothing and see how it feels. Play with your hair a little. But mostly I’d suggest focusing more on a hobby for a few weeks and let your questions about yourself linger for a bit while you get through the roughest first part of the healing process

I’ve already done some stuff with my hair before realizing I was trans to just look like a bit like a girlish guy.

As for clothing I think I’d be too embarrassed looking like a straight up dude in girls clothing in public. A friend has offered to take me shopping though. Maybe I can try some stuff on in private. I’ve done drag recently for the first time though in what I’d describe as an explicitly safe event and I enjoyed that as well though. Was actively worried about being hate crime’d the whole time though anyway.

I suppose it couldn’t hurt to mention to her.

I don’t know that this negates me actually being trans though. Even if I was manic about figuring it out, its still true.